Here's a review I did once for a game (under an alias). Look at the review, and then tell me what the worst game I've ever played is.
Mario Is Missing!
Platforms: NES, SNES, Macintosh, PC-DOS
Category: 5th Grade World History Lesson (No, seriously...)
Publisher: Radical Entertainment (NES), Software Toolworks (SNES), Mindscape (Macintosh and PC-DOS)
Distributor: Mindscape (Are they sure it's not Mindscrape?)
Year: The PC-DOS Deluxe Version was released in 1992. All the others in 1993.
Notes:
The PC-DOS version is called the "Deluxe Version CD", despite the fact the game never was released before 1992.
This review was done with regards to the SNES version. References to the NES version may be made.
Goal:
Mario has been kidnapped by the King of Koopa Bowser (and already you can tell this game is unloyal to the series.) It is Luigi's job to destroy the entire name of Super Mario Games in a horrible flaming soul-consuming death errrrrrrr rescue his brother Mario and defeat Bowser.
Review:
Graphics: To describe the graphics to you, a potential customer to a old games store, we'll do this. You need to have played Super Mario World. Take the Ghost House graphics, the enemies, and a horribly disfigured Peach, and mercilessly splatter them onto this mediocre game. That is basically the graphics for the SNES. The graphics are nasty as nasty can get. Photoshop could have been their friend. The NES version stayed closed to the SMW engine for choosing stages, but got buried by the wayside.
Audio: The audio is a zombie. Basically it's dead and still trying to live on. The audio is so bad, a CD by Leonard Nimoy turned up to max volume will beat this game's music. Yes, some tracks are likable, but you'll end up throwing a Sepukku Knife into this game just for it to stop. Oddly enough, they reuse so many tracks that they butchered one to make it sound different. What a migrane.
Gameplay: The worst part of the game is it's horrendous gameplay. The cities contain Koopas along with the castle, but one thing...they can't kill you. That's right, they can't kill you. There goes one thing the Mario games stood for. The cities are pathetic. In fact, the MUSIC alone can tell you what city it is. The pedestrians (they are all the same. Good move designers) almost rap their clues to the city and make descriptions on the items so bad that you'll end up learning the meaning of the word "abhor" before you learn anything from this game. The ending just sucks. Also, there are classic Mario characters like Luigi, Bowser, Yoshi, and Mario, but Peach was scrapped and is now just a kiosk person. Despisable.
Lasting Impressions: This game is nasty and purely evil since this almost forces you to keep playing, just so the pain gets revived over and over again. You're better off playing with an old National Geographic Talking Globe.
Ratings:
Graphics: 1
Audio: 2
Gameplay: 1
Lasting Impressions: 1
The Verdict:
1/10 (The best way to get the feeling this game gives you without playing it is to go to the butchers and have them hack your nose off. The basic meaning I'm trying to convey is that this game is trash. Don't buy it and don't literally do the aforementioned nose thing.)
Summary:
The game is rare, but whatever you do please don't buy it. It's a travesty to the Super Mario Brothers name and the advertising team needs to think of something else other than the plumbers. As for the education, school is much better. Even more fun than this.
